we're waiting for your call

April Fools Day 2011 telemarketer prank - this time with added death threat!

April Fools Day 2005 telemarketer prank

Incoming telemarketer calls: 38 recorded so far. To listen click link. To download, right click and "save as". If you place one somewhere, please acknowledge the source.

Infotech - 5.3Mb - 5:52 - "You don't need www in front of domain, there is a world wide W shortage since the Haiti earthquake".
finance_sruvey.mp3Financial Survey - 16Mb - 8:26 - From London, apparently. Even after I told him what I was up to he wanted to finish the survey. The missing word at the end is "surprised" :)
meths_retirement.mp3Retirement benefits - 4Mb - 4:45 -"Mate...nobody's intimidated by guns"...what a tough guy.
mortgage3.mp3Mortgage sale - 7Mb - 10:15 - Not particularly funny but just shows how they don't listen.
insulation.mp3Insulation sales - 2.7Mb - 3:00 -When the computers call, you can count on me to find out if belly button lint will make a good insulator.
casino.mp3Casino offer - 3Mb - 4:21 You won't believe this offer from a casino (update...I received a follow up email from her repeating the offer.)
mall_ads.mp3Mall Advertising - 1.4Mb - 2:05 damn an already full memory, was shaping up to be excellent. This was the second call from them today, so I am still expecting a call back from one of their consultants :)
mortgage2.mp3MSG Finance - 8.9Mb - 9:45 "I bought my house with a cash advance on my credit card"
ctb_eftpos.mp3Commonwealth Bank EFTPOS - 1.9Mb - 4:45 "You can't use the word 'terminal' when calling an oncology clinic"

financial_survey.mp3Financial Survey - 9.6Mb - 10:29 "I prefer ANZ bank because it is easy to spell".

About half an hour after getting off the phone I received an email from their help desk with a request...very polite I might add...that I not publish this.

I don't want to piss people off, I want to make them laugh so I had another listen and figured "this is really quite tame" and Ahmed (not his real name) comes out sounding good. So after removing any identifying comments, here it is. Too bad I ran out of tape, but I am sure my answers contributed to the understanding of business attitude to banks.

As I said in my email response "It is amazing how many incoming telemarketer calls I get isn’t it?  Do you understand why the average person might be a bit frustrated and wish to take a little satirical revenge?  Good.". Perhaps if more people did it companies would rethink their strategy.

ctc.mp3Coast to Coast technology - 7Mb - 7:50   "I'll do a 'Peter Garret' and soften my views... "
wenetex.mp3Wenetex beds - 7Mb - 7:30 "Do your beds squeak? I've got kids"
tax.mp3Tax IQ - 6Mb - 6:00 "You've called just in time, I was about to do something desperate"

cartridges.mp3Printer cartridges - 6Mb - 6:10 "Can I have 450 cartridges delivered, 1 per day please?"

vouchers.mp3Entertainment Vouchers - 4Mb - 4:20 "Animals from the pound are a good source of protein..."
voicetalk1.mp3Voicetalk - 8.3Mb -9:04 - "Do you have a seqestration charge?"
mortgage_house_1.mp3Mortgage House #1 - 4.2Mb - 4:30 - The first call, not so funny - I reckon it was his first day. They didn't call back.
mortgage_house_2.mp3Mortgage House #2 - 4.5Mb - 5:00 - Again "I am quarantined, drop it half way down the drive"
meths_retirement.mp3Mortgage House #3 - damn it. I screwed up the recording of me wanting $800k to expand my brothel. When I said I would spend a lot on satin sheets the girl replied "that sounds erotic". No probs, I am sure they will call again and will try the same routine :o)
meths_retirement.mp3Technology21 - 7Mb - 7:40 - "Which internet are you using?"
brisbane_directory.mp3Brisbane telephone directory - 2:5Mb -2:45 - More spelling fun. At the end, he didn't hang up, we got disconnected and when he called back I got even more ridiculous, but unfortunately the recording didn't work.
tastel.mp3TasTel - 1.93Mb - 2:06 - "Tasco? How do you spell that? "
mortgage.mp3Some mortgage company - 6.3Mb - 6:40 -" I own Q1 with a $150 million in mortgages on a 100 sq m block. "
messages_on_hold.mp3Messages on Hold - 4Mb - 4:17 - This was an incoming computer call that eventually transferred "Louie" to a couple of real people. MoH seriously lack the sense of humour they attempt to project and threatened to "report" me.

G'day Steve...I was told about your 'run-in' with our friends at Messages On Hold in Perth and have been sent a copy of the call...love it!

Our staff were on the floor when we played it at our Christmas Party!

BTW, 1800 ONHOLD would be more than happy to provide Louey and the boys at 'Hits Unlimited' with a music and message program to play to waiting callers and yes... you can pay by 'cash'

orion1.mp3Orion Telecom - 4.7Mb - 5:58
yourtelecom.mp3Your Telecom - 4Mb - 4:00
amex.mp3AMEX - 9.6Mb - 10:30 :: Will American Express give a card to a bankrupt? I don't think he believed me
evolution1mp3.mp3Evolution Telecom - 5Mb - 7:06 :: This one is really bad quality but "Ross" in "Brisbane" seemed to have a sense of humour. Let's see how many I get from Evolution...a company that seems to have stolen its script from VIPtel.
call_Australia.mp3Call Australia calling from India - 1.25Mb - 3:40
printers.mp3Environmental office agency #1 - 5.6Mb - 8:15
printers2.mp3Environmental office agency #2 - 1.8Mb - 7:52 : Again! How come these people haven't got their act together?
printers3.mp3Environmental office agency #3 - 850Kb - 4:56 : I reckon they are enjoying these recordings, why else would the call yet again? August 15 2005 - Careful of this mob, all I can say.
viptel1.mp3VIPtel #1 from New Delhi - 9.2Mb - 10:04 :: I get escalated to a "senior manager" who still doesn't get it
viptel2.mp3VIPtel #2 - 1.3Mb - 1:26 :: then I get a second cold call 10 minutes later
viptel3.mp3VIPtel #3 - .95Mb - 1:01 :: then I get a 3rd cold call 24 hours later - what a great way to get my business.
viptel4.mp3VIPtel #4 - 1.7Mb - 2:00 :: why am I not surprisedthat I have received another call from VIPTel? Why won't they give me a job?
viptel5.mp3VIPtel #5 - 1.1Mb - 1:36 ::Hello VIPTel Management!! I'm so excited. They visit this site and listen to these calls - I guess there is no point in complaining then, they'll only call me more. August 15 2005 - Isn't it interesting how cold calls are linked to more sinister things

These callers from India are pretty soft targets...come on telemarketers, give me something to get stuck into.

corporatesavings.mp3Corporate Savings - .94Mb - 5:30 :: Won't give a discount to my call centre, but at last she is on the internet

The idea here was incoming calls, but sometimes an outgoing call is worth recording to see where the thread leads.

franklin.mp3Franklin Organisers :: .78Mb - 4:32 :

Who is behind this