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April Fools Day 2005 telemarketer prank

Incoming telemarketer calls: 29 recorded so far. To listen click link. To download, right click and "save as"

  • Commonwealth Bank EFTPOS - 1.9Mb MP3 - 4:45 "You can't use the word 'terminal' when calling an oncology clinic"
  • Financial Survey - 9.6Mb MP3 - 10:29 "I prefer ANZ bank because it is easy to spell".

    About half an hour after getting off the phone I received an email from their help desk with a request...very poilte I might add...that I not publish this.

    I don't want to piss people off, I want to make them laugh so I had another listen and figured "this is really quite tame" and Ahmed (not his real name) comes out sounding good. So after removing any identifying comments, here it is. Too bad I ran out of tape, but I am sure my answers contributed to the understanding of business attitude to banks.

    As I said in my email response "It is amazing how many incoming telemarketer calls I get isn’t it?  Do you understand why the average person might be a bit frustrated and wish to take a little satirical revenge?  Good.". Perhaps if more people did it companies would rethink their strategy.
  • Wenetex beds - 7Mb MP3 - 7:30 "Do your beds squeak? I've got kids"
  • Tax IQ - 6Mb MP3 - 6:00 "You've called just in time, I was about to do something desperate"

  • Printer cartridges - 6Mb MP3 - 6:10 "Can I have 450 cartridges delivered, 1 per day please?"

  • Entertainment Vouchers - 4Mb MP3 - 4:20 "Animals from the pound are a good source of protein..."
  • Voicetalk - 8.3Mb MP3 -9:04 - "Do you have a seqestration charge?"
  • Mortgage House #1 - 4.2Mb MP3 - 4:30 - The first call, not so funny - I reckon it was his first day. They didnt call back.
  • Mortgage House #2 - 4.5Mb MP3 - 5:00 - Again "I am quarantined, drop it half way down the drive"
  • Mortgage House #3 - damn it. I screwed up the recording of me wanting $800k to expand my brothel. When I said I would spend a lot on satin sheets the girl replied "that sounds erotic". No probs, I am sure they will call again and will try the same routine :o)
  • Technology21 - 7Mb MP3 - 7:40 - "Which internet are you using?"
  • Brisbane telephone directory - 2:5Mb MP3 -2:45 - More spelling fun. At the end, he didn't hang up, we got disconnected and when he called back I got even more ridiculous, but unfortunately the recording didn't work.
  • TasTel - 1.93Mb MP3 - 2:06 - "Tasco? How do you spell that? "
  • Some mortgage company - 6.3Mb MP3 - 6:40 -" I own Q1 with a $150 million in mortgages on a 100 sq m block. "
  • Messages on Hold - 4Mb MP3 - 4:17 - This was an incoming computer call that eventually transferred "Louie" to a couple of real people. MoH seriously lack the sense of humour they attempt to project and threatened to "report" me.
    • Gday Steve...
       
      I was told about your 'run-in' with our friends at Messages On Hold in Perth and have been sent a copy of the call...love it!
       
      Our staff were on the floor when we played it at our Christmas Party!
       
      BTW, 1800 ONHOLD would be more than happy to provide Louey and the boys at 'Hits Unlimited' with a music and message program to play to waiting callers and yes... you can pay by 'cash'
  • AMEX - 9.6Mb MP3 - 10:30 :: Will American Express give a card to a bankrupt? I don't think he believed me
  • Evolution Telecom - 5Mb MP3 - 7:06 :: This one is really bad quality but "Ross" in "Brisbane" seemed to have a sense of humour. Let's see how many I get from Evolution...a company that seems to have stolen its script from VIPtel.
  • VIPtel #1 from New Delhi - 9.2Mb MP3 - 10:04 :: I get escalated to a "senior manager" who still doesn't get it
  • VIPtel #2 - 1.3Mb MP3 - 1:26 :: then I get a second cold call 10 minutes later
  • VIPtel #3 - .95Mb MP3 - 1:01 :: then I get a 3rd cold call 24 hours later - what a great way to get my business.
  • VIPtel #4 - 1.7Mb MP3 - 2:00 :: why am I not surprisedthat I have received another call from VIPTel? Why won't they give me a job?
  • VIPtel #5 - 1.1Mb MP3 - 1:36 ::Hello VIPTel Management!! I'm so excited. They visit this site and listen to these calls - I guess there is no point in complaining then, they'll only call me more.
  • August 15 2005 - Isn't it interesting how cold calls are linked to more sinister things

    These callers from India are pretty soft targets...come on telemarketers, give me something to get stuck into.

  • Corporate Savings - .94Mb MP3 - 5:30 :: Won't give a discount to my call centre, but at last she is on the internet

The idea here was incoming calls, but sometimes an outgoing call is worth recording to see where the thread leads.

Who is behind this
 
postern
postern